Resolved: firm in purpose or intent, determined.

Yea, that’s me.  I’m a big fan of having purpose and plans and lists and such.  I’m especially prone to this kind of thinking as any given new year looms.  The big ticking clock always reminds me to take a look at the things I do and don’t like or the the things I don’t and should and take stock of what little adjustments I need to make along the way.  Some people call these New Year’s Resolutions.  Other people, especially recently from the glut of posts in my feed reader, call them “not resolutions” or “goals” or “life tweaks” or whatever else because everyone knows nobody follows through with resolutions and apparently every blogger in the world is trying to be so much cooler than every other slacker who fully knows their New Year’s plans will fly out the window around week 2 or 3.  Nice try, bloggy world, but um, they’re still resolutions.  You’re still probably not going to do them, and you’re kind of pretentiously annoying by pretending that your new nomenclature is the postmodern understanding of a cooler way to arbitrarily change shit about yourself at the beginning of a new year.

That said, I still resolve to do things.  All the time.  I’m probably not going to accomplish everything, because 1. my list making is 100% of the time unrealistic as far as the capacity of humans and the laws of physics are concerned and 2. I’m frickin’ lazy sometimes.  I know this going in.  I’ve still determined I should do them, thereby meeting my definition. I almost always have mostly a list of things I shouldn’t do rather than new things I should.  This either means I’m super cool … or I should probably just have one resolution: be less frickin’ lazy.

This year I’m focusing on …

1. I should not eat gluten. Ever again.  It’s so bad for me.  It makes me sick and tired and really cranky.  It keeps the weight on and every so slowly destroys my digestive tract … but it tastes so damn good.  I don’t have a problem not eating gluten at home.  That I have on lock down.  I do have a problem when I travel for work, because the food is often provided by the hosting institution and almost never includes things I can eat except the maybe carrots.  I have no problem with carrots, but my tensile hypoglycemia thinks I should probably eat more than that in a given day if I want to remain standing.  The real challenge will be getting my ass in gear and packing all the food I need for the weekend just in case there aren’t any options when I travel.  The good news is that I only have 2 more trips between now and August.  Plenty of time to figure this thing out … or forget about it until then.

2. I should beat Britt’s ass at the Biggest Loser Round 2.  This probably means not eating garbage and occasionally hitting the NordicTrak.  She seems to think she’s going to beat me this time, but I have other plans.

3. I shouldn’t be so damn lazy.  This mostly means not putting things off for no other reason than I don’t feel like it.  What else do I have to do, really?  Why not do the work and then entirely enjoy my free time rather than not doing it and letting my anxiety inducing OCD brain complain about all the things that aren’t done while trying to waste time playing Bubble Spinner 2 (for serious, have you played this game?!  is there really anything else in the world to do with your time?!  I think not.)?  This applies to just about all the little things I want to change in my life, so my mantra for the beginning of the new year is akin to that of the Nike of the mid-1990s … Just.Do.It.

4. I should endeavor to be the best wife on the planet (and for the record, I’ve used that term approximately twice including today in reference to myself … I’ve never been a fan … I’m working on that …).  That Boy and I have had a bit of a rough go of the last couple years.  His work injury and the ensuing surgeries, full time nursing care, not working, rehab, court case, stupid setbacks, and the like have made things a little tense around here.  Add that to my wacky work schedules, concerns about money (I mean, come on, he doesn’t work right now and I work for idealism, not sweet bags of cash), the fact that we’ve been together nearly 10 years, and the wacky ‘hey-why-don’t-we-just-ignore-each-other-because-it’s-easier’ fun times that have made up the interim and you can imagine the pure marital bliss we’re living.

I don’t say that to make it seem like That Boy and I are on the road to splitsville or that I’d want any other living arrangement.  I’m ‘fessing up, instead, to the not so beautiful parts of attached life that don’t make it into articles in ModernBride.  We’re working on it.  We’re already seeing immense improvements.  It’s like I’m seeing things through new eyes, and so, I will do my best this coming year to support that growth rather than detract from it.  That’s what I meant, not donning kitten heels and making pot roast.  I plan to keep working on being open to change.  That’s all.

So, there it is.  I had to physically stop my brain from insisting on a 5th point for not other reason than 5 is a nice round number.  All I need are the four listed above.  They cover everything.  They aren’t SMART goals.  They have nearly no timeframe, are solidly abstract rather than concrete, and don’t come with a pretty checklist of measurable attainments.  This means, according to the productivity world, that they’re doomed to fail.  I’m ok with it.  I like fluid change over time.  It’s more natural, and from my experience, longer lasting.  I may do these things.  I may not.  I’ll see about keeping you updated as we go …