We’re all clear on my nerdiness already, right?  Good.  This will come as no surprise to you then …

I am also a nerd at the grocery store.

You know those people you see with the meticulously arranged carts, where all the boxes and packages fit perfectly together and all the like items are together?  That’s me.  I can’t stand to just throw things in the basket and keep on trucking … I mean, how would you know you had everything or that it was all under budget?  My OCD would have a conniption if I were a “Toss and Go” girl.

I’m also that girl with the big obvious 3 ring binder of coupons sorted by general type and in approximate order by how the aisles are ordered at Meijer.  I stand off to the side flipping pages looking for the perfect coupon while you (that’s an editorial you … if you’re also a grocery nerd, you are not implicated here) hurry past me Michael Jordan-ing things recklessly into your basket.  I am the girl you hate to get behind in the checkout line, because no matter how perfectly everything is arranged, it simply takes an extra couple minutes for the cashier to scan all those little pieces of magical coupon cash into the register (and you’re in a rush to pay full price for processed garbage so you can feed your family make believe food in front of the television before American Idol comes onoh yea, I’m Judgey McJudgerton today).

Nerds don’t make so many friends sometimes.

Of course, until you’re trying to be secret agent suave eavesdropping (why isn’t there a word that means the same as eavesdropping, but with the eyes rather than the ears?  boo.  you get what I mean.) the register display while I check out, and cannot contain yourself when you see the mystical magic that happens when my nerdy ass is checking out at the grocery.  Oh yes, it’s like the total just disappears, and you’re jealous, of course, and you want to know how on Earth I did that (must be illegal or everyone would do it) voodoo to change my grocery total from $150 to $48 yesterday.

Nerdiness is the answer, dear grocery-store-check-out-nemesis.  Nerdiness keeps me checking the inserts for sweet coupons every week, sometimes buying more than one newspaper to get them.  Nerdiness has me scanning the “deal blogs” in my feed reader for awesome deal scenarios that I don’t have to do the work to figure out (I could, and sometimes I do them myself, but there are so many (um, tooooo many, really, most of them not so awesome) blogs out there with people who want to use their time to do it for me … um, duh).  Nerdiness has me making a list, checking it twice (dude, I’m the Santa of grocery shopping), calculating per item or per ounce costs, and making decisions based on my pricebook as to whether it’s a good enough deal or not.  Nerdiness keeps my house stocked with months and months worth of (basically) real food for much less than you’ll pay for the fake stuff.

Nerdiness, for the record, rocks (and it takes much less time than you think it does, I promise).

Are you a grocery nerd as well?  Or another kind of nerd?  We appreciate all kinds here.

Em.

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