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1. Yes, I am still pregnant. 41 weeks, 2 days to be exact. This makes people uncomfortable for some reason. People who are not me. I’m largely unphased by the length of time this kid chooses to incubate.
2. The doctor’s office pisses me off. Their blatant use of lies, privilege, and fear mongering is disgusting. That’s the only part of being pregnant this long that I don’t like: fighting with the damn doctor’s office every 3 days. Last week I just ignored them entirely and hid out like a fugitive.
3. I’m hungry. Why haven’t I eaten breakfast yet? Ah yes, because I’m lazy. Check.
4. I really wanted to experience that ‘nesting’ feeling I hear so much about. My OCD was shitting golden kittens in excitement about the prospect of unbridled energy devoted to cleaning and organizing like a lunatic. No. Such. Luck. Thanks a lot, Universe.
5. That Boy’s job wants to cut his pay by 33-66%. Uh, yea, that much. I’m … overjoyed. Right. Suffice it to say he’s already looking for something else el pronto. Not to mention, the hours at this job suck in the worst way.
6. I’m beginning to believe this child is never coming out. Ever. I think this kind of irrational thinking is also what happens to serial killers when you leave them in solitary confinement too long. The crazies just start to creep in when you aren’t looking and before you know it you’re convinced the all kinds of crazy things are up.
7. Did you know they made a pack of Starbursts that only have the red flavors in it? Uh, yea. I just heard. I could dance in the streets about it. Pink and yellow Starbursts, I have no time for your shenanigans! Out you go!
8. I’m supposed to work next weekend (3-5 Feb) at a state tournament. Why? Because I was supposed to have this kid already. I’m not sure how this is going to play out in the near future. Shit. I need to find someone to cover for me. Good thing I have an assistant … wait … an assistant who already told me he won’t work that weekend. Double shit. Uh oh, spaghettio.
9. I got this cool double layer plastic tumbler thing for Christmas from my brother. Have you seen them? It doesn’t condensate, had a twist on lid that looks like a fountain pop cup, and a hard plastic use-it-forever straw. I’m kind of in love with it. It makes me wish we had a freezer upstairs. The trek to the basement for ice cubes is generally unappealing to me always.
10. Believe it or not, the constant check-up phone calls, emails, and facey spacey messages have begun to diminish. I attribute this to either a: people forgetting that I’m possibly still pregnant or b: me scaring them into not bugging with my shitty snark responses over the last couple weeks. I know B worked on my dad who is now afraid to call me for an update lest he “upset me” which I think is code for “have to listen to me bitch about how I’m not answering anymore damn questions”. Either way: bonus for me.
1. I am no longer capable of composing cogent posts, so you’re stuck with bullet pointed lists about crap that goes on here. Aren’t you lucky?
2. I’m still sick and tired. I hear it ‘goes away eventually’, but I feel like this may be lies propagated by the right to keep people from realizing how terrible they’re going to feel until it’s ‘too late’ to throw one’s self down the stairs effectively anymore.
3. Please don’t send me hate mail for that last one. Joke, loves. Joke.
4. Everything is still a mess and it’s adding to both my stress and anxiety levels exponentially. I get stressed when things are a disaster, and now, because I’m less than inclined to do anything about it I start getting anxious that That Boy is going to begin thinking I’ve lost all motivation and become the world’s laziest bum. I feel guilty about coming across as lazy because my Type A, first born, overachieving self cannot handle that perception and then I start getting anxious all over again. Dear Valium, why can’t you be safe for babies?!
5. I’m also vacillating wildly between thinking this whole thing is awesome (we did (not) try for FIVE years to make it happen) and thinking it’s the end of the entire world. I hear this is because hormones are eating my rational brain as we speak. This, I do not like one bit. I am not an emotional girl. I cry twice a year, approximately. I cannot have my rational brain eaten by sob inducing hormones and still maintain my reputation as a cold hearted badass. Oy.
6. The campaign is still going. I can’t say it’s going well or not going well, really, because I haven’t been there. I feel like crap and I’m distracted and I just plain don’t want to be there. Promises, be damned. I hear I have a good excuse. I cannot wander around knocking on doors for hours in the hot sun, because the entire time I will be plotting ways to kill an ice cream truck driver and steal his rocket pops.
7. I kicked Britt’s ass in Biggest Loser Part Deux. The last month of which I was unknowingly incubating a person. This makes me kind of a big deal. I’ve also lost 10 more pounds since I found out I was preggo, 2 of which were in the last 2 weeks. Thank you very kindly, Mr. and/or Ms. Parasite for your lovely addition to my metabolism. The making it so I feel like I’m in the hull of a round bottomed boat in the middle of a hurricane without my SeaBands also helps.
8. This wee human wants me to eat gluten. I’m trying not to indulge it. Except the other day when I met Britt at Shish and attempted to eat my body weight in pita. Nom nom nom nom. That’s certainly not very Gluten Free Ann Arbor of me, but well … mostly I needed a transitory reason to say “Gluten Free Ann Arbor” again and piss off that stupid Yahoo group that thinks it owns those 4 words. Ha. Sorry.
9. My back hurts.
10. Oh, and while I’m thinking about it … I got into GRAD SCHOOL! Yes! Both programs! Sweet! Now, the part where I tell them I can go for a semester and then need to take a hundred years off to care for an infant. Shit. World, your timing is impeccable.
1. We had pizza for dinner tonight. I made my lovely family a terrific thin crust that they all thought was pretty tasty. Thinking myself a badass, I also thought I’d try to make GLUTEN free pizza crust from scratch (because the only ‘mix’ I had on hand was my ridiculously over priced but amazing bread mix). Yea. About that. So … take a box of graham crackers and subtract all forms of sweetener. Then leave them out on the cupboard for a week to get stale. Slather with pizza toppings and toast the snot out of them in the oven. They will resemble dust in texture and … well, burnt dust in taste. Yum.
2. Some days, I fricking hate being GLUTEN free. Knowing that I can’t cheat only makes it worse. F this jazz.
3. I do not hate ice cream. The local walk up ice cream place (which is far less ‘local’ than I would prefer … stupid living in the country) reopened so we headed down there after dinner tonight. MmmmmmicecreamIloveyou. My mother suggested we make it out summer goal to eat everyone of their 24 flavors, excluding the crap “kid ice cream” (superman, cotton candy, etc). I think this is an admirable cause to take on … except the part where I can’t eat the ones that have cake in them.
4. I want someone to come clean my house so I don’t have to do it. Mostly, the basement. And by clean, I mean haul away the crap I already know no longer needs to live here. Applications and interviews available through the comments section. Compensation negotiable (by which I mean, largely nonexistant … unless I can pay you in crappy GF pizza).
5. I got a very sweet email today. It kind of made my day. The end.
6. My desk is a disaster. I am fearful the Department of Desk Safety may come knocking and take my lovely french colonial desk (and by lovely, I mean you can’t even tell it’s partly particle board) to live with a foster family that will love it enough to not pile unending crap on top of it.
7. I had the shortest employment stint I’ve ever had this week. I mentioned before that I was offered a job with the US Census. After 2 days of training (well, one day of training and one day of them pretending we didn’t spend all day screwing off with the fingerprint pad) I was told my job was contingent on me upholding their departmental non-disclosure agreement. The one that stands in direct conflict with the state law I swore to uphold years ago when I was granted a medic license (Fun fact: I once took 27 credit hours in one semester so I could finish my medical training at the community college while trying to finish my bachelors degree programs at the university. Indeed, I was a crazy person.). Yea. Abdicate my previous responsibility (and sworn personal integrity) for some schmuck job that only lasts 4 weeks? Not happening, US Census, so sorry.
8. Other opportunities to fill in the income gap created by giving the Dept of Commerce the proverbial finger have already started appearing. I couldn’t ask for them to be so speedy. I’m just here for the ride.
9. I dropped off my graduate school applications today. I couldn’t mail them. Mostly because they were due today and I finished them yesterday … and because leaving those beauties in the mailbox instead of personally watching them arrive at the admissions office was terrifying me. Please cross your fingers or knock on wood or cast some awesome sacrifice to your heathen deity for a speedy acceptance letter to arrive in my mailbox. I will worry myself into a hot mess of heartburn and pacing regardless.
10. It’s still 74 degrees here, even after 10pm. Please don’t let this be a sign of some bizarrely hot summer where I spend an entire 3 months melting profusely all over town. We do not air condition our house. We barely heat it, let alone cool it. I hate that. Well, I hate it when it’s hot. I don’t hate it when the electric bill comes.
11. Speaking of electric bills, we have hot water again! The water heater died on Monday, and the replacement arrived today (3 days ahead of schedule! yes!). I am not so stoked about the hit our savings account took to make that happen, but I am pretty elated that the new water heater uses something like 1/100th of the energy the old one did (that math is completely made up, but I swear, it’s a LOT less energy). That Boy spent the day installing it. If I can’t find him later, I think I’ll check the basement. He’s more than likely sitting there staring at this new machine, drooling and mumbling, “Ooooooh, prettttty.“.
12. Sometimes, I wish water tasted less like water.
Anything wacky going on in your neck of the woods? Having a fabulous week? Tell me about it in the comments.
This post is linked to Jen’s 7 Quick Take Fridays over at Conversion Diary. You should go check it out.
1. If you’re still hanging around after the Ultimate Blog Party, it’s nice to have “met” you. Feel free to keep hanging around (and commenting on the inane hilarity I continue to post) as long as you’d like.
2. My dearest That Boy has been gone THREE STRAIGHT DAYS from early until far later than he should be with my car doing favors for other people. I say my car, because even though we downsized to one car, the one we kept is indeed titled in my name. Most of the time, I don’t mind sharing a car. I say most, of course, until I’m stranded in my house for THREE STRAIGHT DAYS with places to go and errands to run and one That Boy who will not stop running off with my only source of transportation for 13 hours a day. Boo.
3. I should have cleaned more while I couldn’t leave. I didn’t. Great. Now I’m angry about not leaving and guilt-ridden about not cleaning. Fab-u-lous.
4. I did manage to clean the office, and a storage bookcase that was in desperate need of attention. Three bags of trash later (and a box that still needs to leave my house), and it’s looking pretty clean in here. That is, if you ignore the cat hair tumbleweed I found under the worktable but have yet to find a vacuum for.
5. I hate vacuuming. That Boy loves it. I am totally ok with this arrangement. When it’s vacuum time, I go into the office, shut the door, jam to loud ass music from my iTunes and play Bubble Spinner until it’s over.
6. The good people at the IRS told me they’re depositing my tax refund tomorrow (after 23487 years, I think). They also told me my return was incorrect and had to be “adjusted”. That makes one hold one’s breath while on hold for “a customer service agent” for 10 loooooong minutes with words like audit and penalty and federal frickin’ prison floating around one’s head. As luck will have it, I have been spared. The adjustment was because I missed a $390 tax credit apparently. Let me say that again … there will be an extra $390 in my refund (if the damn thing ever shows up). Yes, please.
7. A week from today is National Take Your Brat To Work Day. You should do that. Take your brat with you and entertain them for 8 hours photocopying your body parts and screwing around with the vending machines. My mother has wrangled me into providing “supervision and activities” in the afternoon for the brats her employees are bringing in. I don’t remember the legislative proclamation saying the day was called, “Bring Your Brat To Work So Em Can Entertain Them For Hours” Day, but I will oblige my mother nonetheless because she “gave me life”, and as I am consistently reminded, “can take it away when ever she wants”.
8. My brother and I totally saw “The Midwestern Fireball” last night. We were outside letting the dogs out during the 1st period intermission of the Red Wings (are you a fan? you should be. it’s state law.) game when the sky lit up like it was noon for a couple seconds then faded back to black. We were much less concerned than we probably should have been, now that I think about it. Don’t put us on the front lines against the alien invasion, because apparently we’ll just chalk up giant flashes of light as “rogue lightening” even when the sky (and radar) are completely clear. We were preoccupied dissecting an obviously terrible Stanley Cup first round prediction by some idiot blogger who (falsely) thinks teams from states that don’t have snow should win hockey games.
9. Are you ready for Stanley Cup season? If that last one wasn’t enough of a warning: We are Red Wings people (um, because we’re for MI … and because they might be the winning-est franchise in the NHL and we like to back winners). We (and by we, I mean me, obviously, and my imaginary friend that just crept right into my grammar all of a sudden) will reserve the right to blog about hockey during the playoffs whether or not you want to read about it. We will (now this multiple pronoun is getting weird, but I feel like I need consistency …) expect you to either smile politely or cheer along for the Wings, but not for those other crap teams from your hometowns that you may be in love with. This is especially true of Chicago and Pittsburgh. Native Canadians will be excluded from this rule as their national law (not unlike the great state of MI) also mandates they be hometown hockey fans. You have been warned. /crazyhockeytalk
10. Tomorrow, if That Boy lets me go near my precious vehicle, I have to return 3.2 million empty pop bottles. They have been accumulating in the basement for much longer than is commonly decent. Why not throw them away? Well, first, that makes Mother Earth cry a little. Second, each one of those little devils is worth a whole dime here in MI. I had to pay them 10 damn cents for each one to leave the store, and by golly, I will get my dimes back. Returning 3.2 million empties is not really on my list of “Coolest Things Em Could Ever Want To Do” nor does it make the “Marginally Ok Not Too Terribly Irritating Things Em Could Spend A Friday On”, but that little pile of dimes, which will be added to our Tropical Wedding (not ours, mind you) Vacation Fund, is motivation enough for me. Oh, and the part where there are bags and bags and bags and bags of empty cans littering my basement like someone is building a shanty town. That helps too.
A nice even 10. Yes. The round number monster has been appeased.
Sooooo, any weekend plans? Any hockey trash talk? Any life in bullet points you’d like to share?
ps, this post is linked to Jennifer’s 7 Quick Takes Friday at Conversion Diary.
1. I have been trying to convince myself that I had not acquired a spring head cold for a week, even through the sniffling and all around awful head cold-ness. I am delusional, apparently. Now I am trying to convince myself that this head cold will not be going to my chest (as is the general outcome of every single head cold I’ve ever had) so I don’t end up with pneumonia next week. Go away, cold.
2. I am trying to be patient with That Boy and his idiosyncrasies and emotions in the aftermath of his grandmother’s (relatively) sudden death. Being sick and being patient are not inherent friends in my world. I’m trying, I swear.
3. This is the week of mysterious injuries. Two nights ago, I cut my hand open in my sleep. Well, I can only assume that’s what happened as it wasn’t cut when I went to bed and it was when I got up. I’m not sure if I was attacked by closet gremlins, the cat, or my night stand. Then today, I woke up with a split lip. I’m going to blame that one on being sick and mouth-breathing my poor lips into desert like conditions, but still. Boo. What does tomorrow hold? A broken leg?
4. There is nothing on TV today worth watching. Sickie pajama wearing Em does not like this revelation.
5. Did you see the news that B-Rock (my favorite president) gets to nominate a replacement for Justice Stevens? Yes! The politics of this scenario were anticipated in the lead up to the last presidential election, and I’m kind of stoked that this president gets to nominate not one, but two justices. Perhaps the Roe balance can shift from a tenuous 5-4 to a much more comfortable 6-3. I could be stoked about that. You may not be. I’m ok with that.
6. Jamie Oliver might be my new best friend. He kind of makes me feel guilty though, for the garbage we do let into our food even though we’re aware that it’s garbage. The take out pizza we’re eating tonight is probably a sweet example (and oh so not GLUTEN free. oops.)
7. Add to the list of stuff that pisses me off: people who blog hop during carnivals like the Ultimate Blog Party and leave comments like “I’ll follow you if you follow me. K Thanks Bye.” Ugh. Stop being so transparent and annoying, people. I know everyone will do anything for traffic (except, well, my lazy ass), but come on. Go visit the blogs that you think are interesting. Leave a comment if you have something to say. Discover people you didn’t know before. That’s all cool. Please don’t just click on every link to annoy the shit out of people with your petty never ending desperate attempts for traffic. If you’re interesting, people will follow you. If they don’t … who cares? /soapbox.
8. I have the spring cleaning bug today. While I’m sick. I’m trying to tell my body it needs to stay very still and fight this stupid cold so I don’t get the death plague, but sitting still gives me lots of time to look around and notice clutter that needs to go or fingerprints on door frames (which I absolutely detest). Le boo. Someone come over and be my spring cleaning sherpa before I go crazy, ok?
9. Best part of Lent being over? Mountain Dew slushies.
10. Worst part of Lent being over? The heartburn I inevitably get from Mountain Dew slushies. Crap. I’m not drinking other pop, though, still, which is rockin’ cool.
What’s going on in your bullet pointed life this week?
1. I have fallen off the gluten free wagon again. Ugh. My body is really mad at me for it. You would think I would learn this lesson by now. GLUTEN = bad news bears for this girl’s health and wellbeing. “But!”, my brain screams, “GLUTEN is soooooo tasty”. Le sigh. Yes, brain, gluten filled foods are delicious, but they do terrible things to my guts, mental acuity, energy level, and all around happiness with life. Awful terrible no good very bad things. I will spare you the specifics. I need to get this GLUTEN thing under control again. The primary problem? Laziness. Some nights I don’t feel like making special food because no one else in my house is intolerant. Then, once I cave on dinner it’s a slippy slope of gluten since I’ve already “screwed up the day” (like there’s a GLUTEN-meter somewhere keeping track …). Boooooo. Must. Stop. Eating. Cookies.
2. I recently started looking for a second job. One surely isn’t enough apparently. Ok, it is. We make it ok, but the lovely That Boy isn’t working (still … after he was released to return to work post-accident recovery um, a million years ago … ok, less than that, but it’s starting to feel that way). We don’t have to be a 2 income household, but you’ll recall I work for more warm fuzzy feelings than dollar bills so we’re really a 1/2 income family at this point. If we want more room in our budget to give and pay off debt and travel and continue to provide care for my elderly car (which I adore, for the record) , we need more income.
3. A highlight from the job searching … I recently applied for two different jobs with the county health department. One of them was a stretch for me to ‘qualify’ for based on licensure and experience (I’m a firm believer in applying above and below your qualifications and seeing what sticks …). The other I was woefully overqualifed for. The job posting closed at 5pm on Friday last week. At 523pm, I had not one, but TWO pretty pre-written rejection letters in my inbox. Nicely done, municipality! Way to be on top of rejecting people before you’ve probably read any of their resume or cover letter. Haha. Sweet.
4. I love peanut butter M&Ms. Too much. They’re full of dyes and chemicals and high fructose corn syrup (probably …). My mouth thinks they’re also full of sunshine and smiles.
5. I want to have the spring cleaning bug this week that I had last week. Last week it was cold and still snowing and not yet time for throwing open windows so one can spring clean, but damn if I wasn’t itchin’ to do just that. This week, the sun is shining and the temperatures are climbing above freezing, but I’m less than interested in cleaning anything. My brain seems to have this artificial timeframe for getting this cleaning done, and my body does not want to follow along.
6. Katie (from Kitchen Stewardship, a rockin’ cool blogger who you should be reading …) reminded me today that we’ve reached the halfway point of Lent. Yes! I haven’t had a drop of soda the entire time. Double yes! I have also not died without Diet Coke, which I was entirely convinced would immediately happen sometime around Day 2 or 3. Triple yes! It’s not all fun and successes, though. As Katie points out, Lent isn’t just about sacrifice, but increased prayer and reflection. The prayer and meditation goals I set for Lent? Yea … about that … I was johnny on it for weeks 1 and 2, but then … well … ok, I need to get back on the horse and try again. Maybe I should combine the goals I’m not meeting in various parts of my life? I don’t think the Book of Common Prayer has any words about not eating gluten, though … boo.
7. I’m trying to think of ways I can secretly turn up the thermostat without That Boy noticing because I’m freakin’ freezing tonight. My coldy cold fingers keep misspelling words and making me backspace like a crazy person. I am, of course, wearing only a tshirt, and as such would be an idiot to actually turn up the furnace to compensate for my lazy disregard for finding a sweater. A girl can dream …
Anything awesome or terrible or otherwise random going on in your life? Tell me about it!
1. I haven’t had a Diet Coke since last night. So far, this is not a problem. I didn’t drink anything before going to church, and I made a pot of coffee when I got home. Dearest Starbucks Pike Place + a little splash of Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Syrup = a lot easier transition away from carbonated caffeine and a little piece of heaven.
2. We made a third trip to Sears today in search of replacement appliances. This is on top of two trips to Lowe’s and I cannot even imagine how many hours That Boy has been online comparing Consumer Reports findings and product specs. One day, we will have an oven again, I hope.
3. Highlight of hanging out at Sears: The saleslady assuming when I said, “Family of 5” I meant we had 5 small children at home to feed and then going into a grand story of her own 6 sibling family and how her grandmother can’t possibly cook for less than 28 people at a time and on and on into oblivion. I kind of smiled as we walked out. People assume we could have FIVE children. This is one part comforting and one part horrifying (please let me stop aging tomorrow, thanks).
4. Lowlight of hanging out at Sears: The salesman who tried to circle talk me into thinking their sign listing “Free Delivery for Appliances Over $399” wasn’t really meant to apply right now even though it was clearly labeled “Valid through 2/18” between running back and forth spastically between us and some invisible “higher power” in the backroom.
5. Someone put an ash cross on my forehead this morning. I have yet to spontaneously combust. I will take this as a sign. I snuck out the back when they started communion (the reason for which I will probably explain in a future post at some point).
6. In the process of “cleaning” the pile of crap on the floor in the office, I may or may not have turned the entire room into a disaster area. This causes me great psychological stress. I cannot handle a messy office. I am also inherently lazy today, and ergo, may have to stop blogging soon so I can escape this SuperFund site I’m calling a workspace to save my sanity.
7. Call them what you want, but those delightful balls of fried dough filled with custard and covered in chocolate icing are nothing more than long-johns (this is possibly a Midwestern only name, I’m not sure …they’re like eclairs, but whole and not stacked) shaped into balls instead of tubes. I love them regardless of what day they were made for. They are, however, chuck full of GLUTEN and ergo a horrible decision. A deliciously horrible decision.
1. When I have too many things to think about, I number them. Mostly, I have the brain of a policy debater (don’t know what that is, look here … crazy, right?) and number everything in my head and polite conversation. Welcome to my brain.
2. I have a lot of things to tell you, bliggity blog-o, but I’m hesitant to be oh so open with you even in this world of constant and complete technological disclosure. Why? Le sigh. I don’t frickin’ know. One part of me thinks, “Well, I say everything else I think, might as well not stop now”. The other part says, “But, this is some powerful shit that’s different than things you previously said, even contrary in some regards, and … well, what will people think?!” Ah yes, I really just said that. Shit sticks. Tell me bloggy world, what’s a girl to do? Out herself via interwebs so she can blog without censoring, or keep mum and keep the peace? Comment as you see fit, please.
3. In the middle of that last point, our 75+ pound rough collie tried very successfully to sit in the middle of my lap. That Boy is brushing the other dog (a less than brilliant golden retriever), and Mr. Smarty Pants I Should Be Herding Small Farm Creatures knows from the first spritz of the whatever the hell it is you spray on dogs before you brush them, he didn’t want anything to do with being in the vicinity. Since he doesn’t climb stairs, and as such cannot flee that far, he apparently thinks sitting ON me, literally in the middle of my being, is a solid alternative. This is exceptionally fun when I’m trying to write for you fine people. I tried to use him as a table, but the clicking of keys distracts him and he lifts his head to see what’s up, effectively tossing the laptot (yes, tot, not top … it’s a wee little baby lappie) into the back of the couch. Grrr. I shake my fist at you, dog.
4. Someone needs to make gluten free oreos that don’t taste like cardboard or garbage, and they need to deliver them to my house post-haste lest I start gnawing off my hand.
5. I just remembered (literally, just now) that I had planned on making upcycled (the hipster name for used to be trash) home goods throughout the winter so I could spend my summer hocking them at the Farmer’s Market. Oops. I suppose there are still a couple weeks left. I should probably get on that, eh?
6. I’m so going to lose the Biggest Loser Round 2. Sure, I can lose a million pounds at the beginning, but then … nothing. Who can eat salad and vegetables and not GLUTEN for weeks on end and not lose another stinking pound? This girl, apparently. I should probably write my $50 check to Brit right now.
7. I’m tired. Not tired enough to sleep, though, maybe. I haven’t tried yet.