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1. I have fallen off the gluten free wagon again.  Ugh.  My body is really mad at me for it.  You would think I would learn this lesson by now.  GLUTEN = bad news bears for this girl’s health and wellbeing.  “But!”, my brain screams, “GLUTEN is soooooo tasty”.  Le sigh.  Yes, brain, gluten filled foods are delicious, but they do terrible things to my guts, mental acuity, energy level, and all around happiness with life.  Awful terrible no good very bad things.  I will spare you the specifics.  I need to get this GLUTEN thing under control again.  The primary problem? Laziness.  Some nights I don’t feel like making special food because no one else in my house is intolerant.  Then, once I cave on dinner it’s a slippy slope of gluten since I’ve already “screwed up the day” (like there’s a GLUTEN-meter somewhere keeping track …).  Boooooo.  Must. Stop. Eating. Cookies.

2. I recently started looking for a second job.  One surely isn’t enough apparently.  Ok, it is.  We make it ok, but the lovely That Boy isn’t working (still … after he was released to return to work post-accident recovery um, a million years ago … ok, less than that, but it’s starting to feel that way).  We don’t have to be a 2 income household, but you’ll recall I work for more warm fuzzy feelings than dollar bills so we’re really a 1/2 income family at this point.  If we want more room in our budget to give and pay off debt and travel and continue to provide care for my elderly car (which I adore, for the record) , we need more income.

3. A highlight from the job searching … I recently applied for two different jobs with the county health department.  One of them was a stretch for me to ‘qualify’ for based on licensure and experience (I’m a firm believer in applying above and below your qualifications and seeing what sticks …).  The other I was woefully overqualifed for.  The job posting closed at 5pm on Friday last week.  At 523pm, I had not one, but TWO pretty pre-written rejection letters in my inbox.  Nicely done, municipality!  Way to be on top of rejecting people before you’ve probably read any of their resume or cover letter.  Haha.  Sweet.

4. I love peanut butter M&Ms.  Too much.  They’re full of dyes and chemicals and high fructose corn syrup (probably …).  My mouth thinks they’re also full of sunshine and smiles.

5. I want to have the spring cleaning bug this week that I had last week.  Last week it was cold and still snowing and not yet time for throwing open windows so one can spring clean, but damn if I wasn’t itchin’ to do just that.  This week, the sun is shining and the temperatures are climbing above freezing, but I’m less than interested in cleaning anything.  My brain seems to have this artificial timeframe for getting this cleaning done, and my body does not want to follow along.

6. Katie (from Kitchen Stewardship, a rockin’ cool blogger who you should be reading …) reminded me today that we’ve reached the halfway point of Lent.  Yes!  I haven’t had a drop of soda the entire time.  Double yes!  I have also not died without Diet Coke, which I was entirely convinced would immediately happen sometime around Day 2 or 3.  Triple yes!  It’s not all fun and successes, though.  As Katie points out, Lent isn’t just about sacrifice, but increased prayer and reflection. The prayer and meditation goals I set for Lent?  Yea … about that … I was johnny on it for weeks 1 and 2, but then … well … ok, I need to get back on the horse and try again.  Maybe I should combine the goals I’m not meeting in various parts of my life?  I don’t think the Book of Common Prayer has any words about not eating gluten, though … boo.

7. I’m trying to think of ways I can secretly turn up the thermostat without That Boy noticing because I’m freakin’ freezing tonight.  My coldy cold fingers keep misspelling words and making me backspace like a crazy person.  I am, of course, wearing only a tshirt, and as such would be an idiot to actually turn up the furnace to compensate for my lazy disregard for finding a sweater.  A girl can dream …

Anything awesome or terrible or otherwise random going on in your life?  Tell me about it!



Resolved: firm in purpose or intent, determined.

Yea, that’s me.  I’m a big fan of having purpose and plans and lists and such.  I’m especially prone to this kind of thinking as any given new year looms.  The big ticking clock always reminds me to take a look at the things I do and don’t like or the the things I don’t and should and take stock of what little adjustments I need to make along the way.  Some people call these New Year’s Resolutions.  Other people, especially recently from the glut of posts in my feed reader, call them “not resolutions” or “goals” or “life tweaks” or whatever else because everyone knows nobody follows through with resolutions and apparently every blogger in the world is trying to be so much cooler than every other slacker who fully knows their New Year’s plans will fly out the window around week 2 or 3.  Nice try, bloggy world, but um, they’re still resolutions.  You’re still probably not going to do them, and you’re kind of pretentiously annoying by pretending that your new nomenclature is the postmodern understanding of a cooler way to arbitrarily change shit about yourself at the beginning of a new year.

That said, I still resolve to do things.  All the time.  I’m probably not going to accomplish everything, because 1. my list making is 100% of the time unrealistic as far as the capacity of humans and the laws of physics are concerned and 2. I’m frickin’ lazy sometimes.  I know this going in.  I’ve still determined I should do them, thereby meeting my definition. I almost always have mostly a list of things I shouldn’t do rather than new things I should.  This either means I’m super cool … or I should probably just have one resolution: be less frickin’ lazy.

This year I’m focusing on …

1. I should not eat gluten. Ever again.  It’s so bad for me.  It makes me sick and tired and really cranky.  It keeps the weight on and every so slowly destroys my digestive tract … but it tastes so damn good.  I don’t have a problem not eating gluten at home.  That I have on lock down.  I do have a problem when I travel for work, because the food is often provided by the hosting institution and almost never includes things I can eat except the maybe carrots.  I have no problem with carrots, but my tensile hypoglycemia thinks I should probably eat more than that in a given day if I want to remain standing.  The real challenge will be getting my ass in gear and packing all the food I need for the weekend just in case there aren’t any options when I travel.  The good news is that I only have 2 more trips between now and August.  Plenty of time to figure this thing out … or forget about it until then.

2. I should beat Britt’s ass at the Biggest Loser Round 2.  This probably means not eating garbage and occasionally hitting the NordicTrak.  She seems to think she’s going to beat me this time, but I have other plans.

3. I shouldn’t be so damn lazy.  This mostly means not putting things off for no other reason than I don’t feel like it.  What else do I have to do, really?  Why not do the work and then entirely enjoy my free time rather than not doing it and letting my anxiety inducing OCD brain complain about all the things that aren’t done while trying to waste time playing Bubble Spinner 2 (for serious, have you played this game?!  is there really anything else in the world to do with your time?!  I think not.)?  This applies to just about all the little things I want to change in my life, so my mantra for the beginning of the new year is akin to that of the Nike of the mid-1990s … Just.Do.It.

4. I should endeavor to be the best wife on the planet (and for the record, I’ve used that term approximately twice including today in reference to myself … I’ve never been a fan … I’m working on that …).  That Boy and I have had a bit of a rough go of the last couple years.  His work injury and the ensuing surgeries, full time nursing care, not working, rehab, court case, stupid setbacks, and the like have made things a little tense around here.  Add that to my wacky work schedules, concerns about money (I mean, come on, he doesn’t work right now and I work for idealism, not sweet bags of cash), the fact that we’ve been together nearly 10 years, and the wacky ‘hey-why-don’t-we-just-ignore-each-other-because-it’s-easier’ fun times that have made up the interim and you can imagine the pure marital bliss we’re living.

I don’t say that to make it seem like That Boy and I are on the road to splitsville or that I’d want any other living arrangement.  I’m ‘fessing up, instead, to the not so beautiful parts of attached life that don’t make it into articles in ModernBride.  We’re working on it.  We’re already seeing immense improvements.  It’s like I’m seeing things through new eyes, and so, I will do my best this coming year to support that growth rather than detract from it.  That’s what I meant, not donning kitten heels and making pot roast.  I plan to keep working on being open to change.  That’s all.

So, there it is.  I had to physically stop my brain from insisting on a 5th point for not other reason than 5 is a nice round number.  All I need are the four listed above.  They cover everything.  They aren’t SMART goals.  They have nearly no timeframe, are solidly abstract rather than concrete, and don’t come with a pretty checklist of measurable attainments.  This means, according to the productivity world, that they’re doomed to fail.  I’m ok with it.  I like fluid change over time.  It’s more natural, and from my experience, longer lasting.  I may do these things.  I may not.  I’ll see about keeping you updated as we go …


What’s the first thing you did this fine New Year’s Day?  Was is wake up at 8am and come bolting downstairs to pee off as much of yesterday’s bloat as possible and hop on the scale?


This fine January day begins Round 2 of the Battle Royale that is the ‘biggest loser’-esque weight loss challenge I’m competing in with a friend (whom shall remain nameless unless she outs herself on her bloggy as well so I can link her …) and new to this second round, my mother.  This is some cuthroat competition.  This round of the challenge goes from New Year’s Day to Memorial Day.  That’s 21 glorious weeks of trash talking, clean eating, and scale watching.  We’ll weigh in every Friday, just like last time when we changed the weigh in day to pre-weekend as to avoid the influence of beer from the weekend on Monday.  On Memorial Day, the person with the highest percentage lost will take the prize (which this round is CASH MONEY! Yes!).  There are no other rules.  No diet plans.  No checkpoints or requirements.  F that jazz.  You do what you do, whatever works for you, and you get on the scale every week.  No questions asked.  If what you’re doing works, you’ll see progress.  If not, change it up and try again.  This laissez-faire approach does not mean we will not needle the hell out of each other with totally unsupportive bantor for the love of fun and competition.

And, for the record, I WON the last round by uh, 4+ percent.  Yea.  I’m a badass.  The problem, of course, is that the last round ended on Thanksgiving and the new one didn’t start until today.  On the one hand, it probably should have started right away to keep us honest through the holidays, but uh … yea, who the hell tries to lose weight while rolling out sugar cookies and two fisting eggnog?  Not I.  Not anyone with any real level of success.  We cut out losses ahead of time and called December a mulligan before we even started last time.  Somehow, at my house, this spiraled into “Eat-As-Much-Garbage-As-You-Possibly-Can-In-31-Short-Days”, and I will confess to being a little terrified this morning of what was going to show up on the trusty scale.  You mean, I didn’t weigh myself for the whole month of December?! Ha, no.  Sure didn’t.  What am I, some kind of masochist?

I closed my eyes while the numbers counted up this morning, not wanting to look at the damage my month long departure from the realities of real food and oh, silly things like, GLUTEN INTOLERANCE may have caused. But, then!




Muahahahahaha!  I am all that is …

Ok, let’s not get too excited.  You heard it here first.  My starting weight for Round 2 is the exact same as my final weight from last time, even with an entire month of crap eating in between and what feels like 40 extra pounds of bloated post-holiday gross that I’m carrying around with me.  Yay!

So, what’s the first thing I did after receiving this fabulous news this morning?  Stood in my pantry, decided I was too lazy to make oatmeal, and went with an oatmeal cream pie for breakfast instead.  Yea.  I’m sure going places fast.  Ha.  My ‘New Year’ starts on Monday (and not in that traditional kind of ‘I’ll Start My Diet on Monday .. no, next Monday, no, next Monday’ sort of way) which was decided and announced long before the holidays lest you think me some scandalous slacker.  We’re leaving shortly for a wedding weekend on the East Side and long car rides + hotel food + reception food I can’t control + rehearsal dinners + being 25 minutes from THE BEST PITA ON THE PLANET + having leftover holiday candy in my bag = a really bad way to start a year.  So, I moved it.  To Monday.  I know my limits.

I’ll be back sometime before then to fill you in on my other, not fatty related New Year’s plans.  I’m a wee bit OCD and a habitual list maker, so it should be fun!  Now, time for a frantic shower, last minute packing where I inevitably forget my toothbrush and my Blackberry charger, and then 3+ hours of nail biting terror through the frozen tundra of MI.  Joy! Glorious joy!


Past Tense